Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020

Today is the last day of 2019, and to say the least, I think my 2019 was pretty okay.

The beginning of the year was pretty rough, as early on, I started to lose hope that 2019 would be different from 2018. 2018 was not a good year for me. When 2019 started, I told myself that this year I will be happy no matter what, whether that means taking better care of myself and mental health and start making choices that would make me happy in the moment and in the future as well. Looking back, I think I was able to do that.

This year, although some of my work habits stayed the same, putting work off but working hard till the very end, I can say that I’m satisfied with my results. This spring, I graduated and earned my master’s degree, even thought\ I stayed in the program longer than I wanted to. But I still managed to finish! During the last semester of school, I had this feeling of being burnt out from my field, and the idea of going to a doctoral program was no longer becoming a goal, but I think sometime in the future, if I decide to go, I will do it. I continued working at the CSU Fullerton's Employee Wellness Program and during this time, I think I could see myself doing corporate health and fitness as a career for a start. I saw thought about a career change or pursuing a new start.

I didn’t got to too many concerts this year. I did attend this year’s Korean Times Music Festival at the Hollywood Bowl to see Super Junior and Taemin perform. At this event, I met a few people, some via online, others because they sat next to me and my friend. I was able to see these girls a few times after the festival. I really like them.

I’ve noticed that for certain relationships, I worked harder to keep them. There were times this year that I felt like I was no longer needed, in a sense that I started feeling left out. But for the most part it wasn’t the case, as I realized that I just have different ideas of how I want to have fun and spend my time. In the midst of this, a friend has told me that friends are like season’s, some are meant to be in your life for a moment in time, while others are meant to stay forever.

This year, whenever I felt lonely, tired, or just needed someone but didn’t know who, I found myself turning to the music of SHINee, Super Junior, and EXO. They’ve helped me a lot. They got my through the homestretch of writing and completing my thesis, that I even thanked them in my acknowledgment section. They gave me the warm hug and comfort that I needed whenever my heart felt heavy and lonely. Truth be told, I’ve never felt a love like this from a celebrity until now. The feeling is new and different, but warmly welcomed. I promise to the love the boys of these groups for a long long long time.

I can say that I’ve learned a lot about myself this year, and within the past few months, noticed a change within myself that I thought wouldn’t happen in the longest time. I’ve started going out on my own, whether it was shopping or buying food. I spent time with myself outside of my home, and I learned that I kinda like it. I've also learned now what I truly want. What I want in life and a potential partner, with this, I will no longer settle until I know that I got what I truly deserve.

To everyone I’ve met this year, who checked up on me, and who simply talked to me, thank you. Thank you for sharing your life and experiences this year, and taking any of my words with you. Thank you for helping me realize the things that I want and how to be happy. You’ve all inspired me this year, and will take all of this with me into 2020 and beyond.

For the past few years, I’ve been trying to live by Pia Wurtzbach’s words of “Be confidently beautiful, with a heart,” but this year I will go into 2020 and try to live by Siwon Choi’s words “No Challenge, No Change.”

2019, thank you and good bye.

2020, . I can’t wait for what you have in store for me.